Mara Vey's pellet: are we seriously doing this at dinner now?

A client came in asking for an invisible pocket in an evening dress. She rejected the first because the seam showed and the second because it changed the drape. I said a handbag would hold a pellet like a receipt. She said the bag changed the silhouette. We spent forty minutes inventing ways to carry one small object without appearing to carry it.

pinsandseams · #147 We spent forty minutes inventing ways to carry one small object without appearing to carry it.

That's why I want the venue to have a receptacle. People will pay a dressmaker to hide a pocket rather than ask the host for a bin. It would be nice if the host made the easy option obvious on the invitation.

coatcheck · #148 the venue to have a receptacle

The invitation is too late for the service team. A proper plan says what guests use, where it sits, who closes it, who collects it, and where it goes. That is one short line in the event plan, but someone in charge has to sign it. Otherwise the guest asks the waiter and the waiter asks the manager while dinner gets cold.

table12 · #149 who closes it, who collects it, and where it goes.

Thank you. People keep saying 'provide a dish' as if the dish walks to a bin by itself. I can clear a closed container. I want to know that's the job before somebody presses an open hand toward me.

trayreturn · #150 I can clear a closed container.

i can get behind a dish. i couldn't get behind nine days of people calling her filthy because the room didn't have one. those aren't the same argument even if they end with the pellet in the same place.

velvet_underground · #151 i can get behind a dish.

Fine. Put out a covered dish. That is what I wanted on day one: the pellet somewhere other than beside somebody's wineglass. I never asked the room to vote on whether Vey is filthy. I asked her to move an object.

secondhelping · #152

velvet_underground · #151 nine days of people calling her filthy

I asked her to move an object.

I would use a dish. I still mind the part where you want her to say she was gross. There's a real difference between making room for the people at your table and agreeing that your body has produced something shameful.

phasechange · #153

secondhelping · #152 I never asked the room to vote on whether Vey is filthy.

agreeing that your body has produced something shameful

You could turn a request for a spoon into a hearing on your personal dignity. This thread began with one person objecting to a pellet beside dinner. You've spent ten days demanding an apology from the objection.

Tomorrow will make eleven days of this. I looked at the fund's appeal again this morning. The gala was supposed to help pay for its work, and now the people running it are being asked to settle a public argument about dinnerware. I hope they give everyone a dish and get back to the reason they held the dinner.

Morrow Children's Fund's banquet-service memorandum is dated today. It says later galas will have covered pellet dishes, so guests can leave pellets out of sight until waiters collect them. It doesn't say the dish existed on 21 September, despite three people already posting that it did.

marginread · #157 later galas will have covered pellet dishes

That's what I asked for in my letter. I'm pleased they did it. I'm less pleased by the messages telling me I 'won.' It was a receptacle the venue should have had already, not a contest I entered.

marginread · #157 covered pellet dishes

Good. The pellet goes in the covered dish instead of next to the wineglass. A room full of adults managed to arrive at a bin with a lid. Can we finally leave it there?

secondhelping · #159 Can we finally leave it there?

I'll use the dish. Its lid solves what another diner has to look at. It doesn't prove Vey owed the sentence ‘that was gross,’ and it doesn't turn the photograph into evidence that she's an animal. The fund changed its service; Vey didn't suddenly become the monster you needed to justify the pile-on.

marginread · #157 until waiters collect them

The memo says waiters collect the dishes. Who closes them, and where do we take them? I want the instructions before the next gala, and I want them from the people who pay me. A memo is a start.

trayreturn · #161

marginread · #157 waiters collect them

I want the instructions before the next gala

Guests should put their own pellets in and close the lids. Staff should know what they're collecting. I agree with phasechange that the dish doesn't require anyone to declare themselves dirty. I agree with trayreturn that the staff deserve actual instructions. I still think Vey should have asked for the bin first.